I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
