Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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