my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
