Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
