I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
