He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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