you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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