It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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