Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she peed on how many people?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
