I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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