I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
