Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
