Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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