So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I understand Curling. That high.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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