I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
