he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
