Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
