Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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