my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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