I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
