I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
