Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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