would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
