Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
