i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
