I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
