its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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