we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I believe in your delicious
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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