Someone shit on the floor
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
