you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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