he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
