i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
