you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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