this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
