this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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