So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
