Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
