he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A bitchslap is in order.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
