goodnight i made you a song goodbye
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
