oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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