I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
