Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
