I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
