you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
