i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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