When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
