Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
