I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
