my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
