I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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