I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
