"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
