so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
