Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
